Tuesday, 24 January 2012

When one door closes...

They say that when one door closes another opens, that is the mentality i am trying to keep right now. *warning* This is a (for the most part) non-horse post and will be filled with little bits of me whining about having to grow up.

I have been with my husband now for almost 3 years and not even married for 1 yet but i feel like my marriage is ending. Neither of us are able to say that we are happy more than 30% of the time. We fight constantly and i have spent so much of my life trying to make everyone else happy and never really spent time figureing out what made me happy. This is the point where i could insert nasty comments about how its all his falt and blah blah blah, but honestly i am way passed all that i just want for us to be happy and it seems going our seperate ways might be for the best. We both have had our faults and made big mistakes in our relationship but we cant get seem to get passed them.

So i am kinda bummed that i am in that 43% of marriages end in divorce. I am kinda bummed that my life is going to get super crazy for a while until i get everything under control. I am hoping that this big change wont affect my son to much, hes 3 and very resiliant for his age. It appears at the moment that my husband and i will be able to work together and seperate things civally.. Its going to suck when we are officially divorced and i have to find a new boarding facility.

So my life will  be starting over again and i will be building myself up from scratch and trying to learn and grow from this experience. I really do think they should make it harder for people to get married because getting a divorce is a pain in the butt.

I have found a second job that seems to be very flexible so riding in between wont be an issue as well as a few perspective room mates. My goal is to make sure that this change DOES NOT affect my son, my cat, my dog, my horse and riding and my life.

Feels good to vent lol, husband will be home on thursday and we will be "talking" then to see what we are going to do and how we will make it all work. I really do hope that we can still be somewhat friends if that is even possible.  Thursday i am going to go out and ride after work to clear my head and start on my riding journey because their is nothing holding me back. No one for me to be home for on the weekends now (except the dog and cat of course) so onwards i suppose without hesitation.

As a friend of mine said to me the other day

"your like a rose stuck in a pile of crap" (at first i was offended.... then i was confused... then once a girlfriend of mine explained it to me it started to make a little more sense.... now it has grown on me)


  1. I am so sorry to hear about this. It seems you are quite at peace with the decision though. I am all for doing what ever you can to work things out because I believe it will not be any easier in the next relationship. We all enter into relationships with baggage. It is when we learn how to work through that baggage together that a relationship truely becomes a beautiful thing. All that said there is also some situations that it is really better for everyone to part ways. It does make me sad to hear of another marraige ending this way but it is the world we live in and we must, like you are, pick up the pieces and move forward. Good luck.

  2. How heartbreaking.

    Let me tell you, I was in your position not that long ago, and what they say is true; the first year of marriage IS the hardest. My husband and I were not getting along either, fighting, I was miserable and didn't think it was worth it. Now, we have worked through it and things are really looking promising for the future. I think marriage is worth the try, especially since you have been together for a while. Wish you luck in whatever you choose.

  3. I thank you for the kinds words. The fact of it all is our marriage was based on a series of lies that have recently come to head. I dont want to be with someone who cannot be honest to me or faithful. I moved out when i was 15 had my son at 17 and got married at 20, things have moved way to quickly for me i need to go back and find myself again and focus on myself and being the person that i want to be. I have changed myself to make this relationship work and it was not for the better. So its time to do me and unfortunatly that will never happen in this relationship.. in order to make it work i have to give up all of me and become someone i have never wanted to be. So for me and my son i am picking up the peices of my life and trying to glue them back together and become the person i want to be. Maybe then i will meet someone who deserves to be with me, not someone who only wants me if im how they want me to be.

  4. Having been there and done that, with a kid and an unfaithful, dishonest husband I can tell you that it will get better. Stay strong and focused and remember that kids need their dads no matter how big of a jerk their dads are. You just keep doing the right thing and life will come back around again. I took the high road during my divorce and now, five years later am married to the most incredible man EVER and have a pretty sweet life. You can only change yourself in the end and you deserve someone who's willing to do their own work, not make you do all of it. And I'm not just talking about house cleaning... haha. Hang in there!

  5. Thanks mona!! im lucky though he IS NOT the father of my son so i can cut ties and move on. Yeah i have met someone lol thats what kinda caused it all to come to a head i dont think its right for me to be treated like garbage and i dont want my son growing up thinking thats a normal relationship lol. Will do thanks for everything :) i adore my little blogging family lol!!

  6. Seems to me that you are really unhappy in your relationship. Good luck to you and your son and whatever you decide is best for both of you.